WEEKLY COMMENTARY: On Whose Shoulders Do YOU Stand?

One summer about ten years ago, my wife and I were volunteers for a week on an Indian reservation in Montana.  Part of our assignment was to perform tasks like unpacking books and supplies for the book store, delivering "meals on wheels" to some Indian families, and tutoring some of the kids.  Importantly, we were also asked to engage the residents, and to share what challenges and successes we saw in our respective lives.  The residents were encouraged to do the same with us.  Out of these conversations, I  began to change my view of these low-income residents of the Reservation. 

One thing I learned is that shame is a major part of the brokenness that low-income people experience in their relationship with themselves.  Instead of seeing themselves as being created in the image of God, low-income people often feel they are inferior to others.  This can paralyze the poor, preventing them from taking initiative and from seizing opportunities to improve their situation, thereby locking them into permanent material poverty.

At the same time, because I was able to afford this Montana venture, and lived comfortably in Summit, New Jersey, I realized that I also suffered from a deficiency.  Specifically, I was a candidate to have a kind of "god-complex," a subtle and unconscious sense of superiority in which I could believe that I had achieved my "wealth" completely through my own efforts and that I had been anointed to decide what was best for low-income people, whom I might view as inferior to myself.

Few of us may be conscious of having a "god-complex," but that may be part of the problem.  Are we often deceived by our own sinful natures?  For example, consider why do we want to help the poor?  Really think about it.  What truly motivates you?  Do you really love poor people so much, and eagerly want to serve them?  Or, do you have additional motives?

I confess that part of what motivates me to help the poor is my felt need to accomplish something worthwhile with my life, to be a person of significance, to feel I have pursued a noble cause, perhaps to be a bit like God.  It makes me feel good to use my resources to "save" poor people.  And in the process, I guess I sometimes unintentionally reduce poor people to objects that I can use to fulfill my own need to accomplish something.   It is a very ugly truth, and it pains me to admit it, but when I want to be good, the evil of feeding my ego is right there with me.

Perhaps we have been lucky.  Perhaps we have worked hard and been well-focused in our lives.  But, how much is truly our earned reward, and how much has come to us by the grace of God ---- and thus should be shared?

Are the opportunities any of us are born into, some gift of God?  I was fortunate in being born into a college-educated family, and then I was admitted to a challenging college, where I could discover my gifts and develop marketable skills.  Sure I could have wasted these opportunities, but that would have been in conflict with the culture of my family and those I socialized with.

What if others and my particular culture had not laid out for me this path of growth and personal development?  I would be a very different person today, and perhaps struggling. Indeed, I did work hard and I did apply myself, but others provided me some great opportunities.

I must remember that for many of the poor it is their lack of opportunities --- the lack of the "shoulders" I was able to stand on, which doomed them to be poor.  Yes, some of them may have lacked ambition and determination to better themselves economically.  But, those who had ambition and determination lacked an important thing ---- opportunities. They may have felt shame for their poverty, but perhaps the real source of their poverty was outside them.  Was it just the absence of "shoulders" to stand on.  If I really want to help the poor, perhaps I need to focus on nurturing their opportunities ---- sort of like the old cliche:  "Don't just give a man a meal. Instead, teach him how to fish, and he will always have a meal."

Do you wonder whom you should thank for your opportunities in life?  Perhaps God was there, working through the "direct" providers, each of whom did something, contributed a little piece of the big picture, that formed today's YOU.  Can you be one of those "direct" providers for someone else?

Let's think of helping others beyond their mere survival.  How can we engineer opportunities for personal development that prior generations of struggling populations were not even aware were possible?  Perhaps this is the next chapter in the ongoing story of our help to others.

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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you in some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.

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WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Unanswered Prayers

Many people agonize over the issue of unanswered prayers.  I know that for some people, past unanswered prayers form a barrier that blocks any desire to keep company with God. What kind of companion, who has the power to save a life or heal a disease, would sit on the sidelines despite urgent pleas for help?  In a sense, every war, every epidemic or drought, every premature death, each birth defect, seems to contradict the teasing sense that prayer could resolve it.

I had reason to really think about this a while back when a neighborhood family was in crisis. Their 14-year-old daughter had been diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We all prayed for the child's recovery, or at least for some kind of remission.  It was not to be.  In two short months the child was gone.  Her mother, Marilyn, was particularly swept up in grief, and I attempted to help her work through it.  She wanted to understand why her fervent prayers apparently had gone unanswered.

I told Marilyn that even after confessing in our prayers things we have done wrong and feel guilty about, and asking God's forgiveness, our prayer does not work according to a fixed formula.  It is not ---- get your life in order, then say the right words, and the desired result will come.  If that were true, Jesus would never have gone to Golgotha and the Cross.  Between the two questions: "Does God answer prayers?" and "Will God grant my specific prayer for this sick child or for this particular injustice?" lies a great deal of mystery.

I told Marilyn that God is not a jolly grandfather who satisfies our every desire.  Certainly for the parents who have lost a child, their wish would have been for the child to live.  They would have pleaded with God, but seemingly the request was denied.

Nor is God, I told Marilyn, a calculating merchant who withholds his goods until we produce enough good works or faith to buy His help.  God does not hand out merit pay.

Then I suggested to Marilyn that Pastor David Mains had a handy checklist for making sure our prayers are on target:

     1.) What do I really want?  Am I being specific, or am I just rambling about nothing in 

          particular?

     2.) Can God grant this request?  Or, is it against God's nature to do so?  (Like a 

          prayer that I will win the lottery.)

     3.) Have I done my part?  Or, am I praying to lose weight when I haven't dieted?

     4.) How good is my relationship with God?  Are we on speaking terms?

     5.) Do I really want my prayer answered?  What would happen if I actually did get 

          that girlfriend back?

Remember, I said to Marilyn, this is a human's rationale for successful prayer, and God may have His own ideas.

I pointed out to Marilyn that some prayers go unanswered because they are simply frivolous.  But, that clearly her prayers had not been of this type.  I was talking about a prayer like: "Lord, please give us a sunny day for the soccer match."  This trivializes prayer, especially when local farmers may at the same time be praying for rain.  A last-ditch plea, "Help me get an "A" on the next test," will likely not succeed if the pray-er has not studied; just as a chain-smoker has no right to pray, "Protect me from lung cancer."

I went on to say that athletes often have their own style of frivolous prayers.  Players in many sports all thump their chests, raise a finger to the sky and pray with their eyes toward heaven.  Apparently they are asking God for a touchdown, goal or home run.  Marilyn agreed that my examples of frivolous unanswered prayers were actually self-serving and not in accord with God's nature.  They put the focus on our things, not on the things of God.

We talked about some prayers really being impossible to answer, although prayers for Marilyn's daughter did not seem to fit here.  If a dozen people pray to get the same job, eleven must ultimately come to terms with their unanswered prayer.  And if two "Christian" nations wage war against each other, citizen prayers on the losing side would not be answered to the satisfaction of the person praying.

What would happen if God answered EVERY prayer?  If you think about it, in effect God would be abdicating.  He would be turning over to us all the world's problems to solve. History shows how we have handled the limited power already granted to us  We have fought wars, committed genocide, foiled the water and the air, destroyed forests, established unjust political systems, concentrated pockets of superfluous wealth and grinding poverty.  What if God gave us automatic access to supernatural power by granting all of our prayers?  What further havoc might we wreak?

But often there is no logical explanation of unanswered prayer.  Author Philip Yancey has given much thought and writing to the nature of prayer.  He says we must place our faith in a God who has yet to fulfill the promise that good will overcome evil, and that God's purposes will, in the end, prevail.  To cling to that belief, he says, may represent the ultimate rationalization ---- or the ultimate act of faith.

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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.

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WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Ash Wednesday

In today's culture, personal independence and "doing our own thing" are celebrated.  Advances in readily available technology have given us a growing variety of options for how each of us can indulge ourselves.  Think how credit cards, the refrigeration of food and the internet, just to pick three widely applied technologies, create opportunities to satisfy our personal wishes. They did not even exist until recent decades.

So, we are presented daily with more and more ways to satisfy our personal appetites, and even to develop new appetites.  Is there an upper limit?  For some, it is simply the limits of time and money.  For all of us, however, there remain choices to be made.  One of the choices always is to skip some particular temptation, or not.  Whether that will be a hard-to-make choice depends on the extent of our self-control.  Putting it another way ---- when are we willing to try some self-denial?

What are "self-control" and "self-denial"?  Are they not the same thing when we are facing "temptation"?  A popular definition of both terms is:  exercising the ability to override impulses in favor of longer-term goals.  The heart of the problem seems always the same ---- the conflict between short-term rewards (which we seem hard-wired to greatly value) and longer-term goals (which often seem to have no present value ---- only a future value).  A slice of just-baked apple pie placed right in front of us, in other words, is simply a lot more compelling than a long-term desire to be slim.

But we need to keep strong our ability for self-control and self-denial.  There will always be times when we need them.  We understand that one cigarette, or one more glass of wine, or just one hour of procrastination, will have no material effect in the long run.  Except that, the first exception may lead to another, and we eventually find ourselves in some place we never intended to be.

Fortunately, the conscientious practice of our Christian faith reinforces our ability for self-control and self-denial.  It helps us find the necessary balance that each of us needs in our daily lives.  

We are not the only ones who needed self-control and self-denial.  Jesus was able to demonstrate and strengthen his self-control and self-denial by fasting in the desert for 40 days.  The Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke describe his 40 days of fasting before the beginning of his public ministry.  During this time of fasting, Jesus endured temptation by the Devil.  Indeed, sometimes don't we feel we are being tempted by the Devil as we attempt some kind of self-denial!

But, more importantly, the attitude of Jesus during his gruesome crucifixion, is perhaps the greatest story of self-denial in human history.

Importantly, we need to balance the mere satisfaction of our personal appetites, with a second thing ---- with the giving of ourselves to others.  Giving of ourselves to others is actually another form of self-denial ---- denying ourselves the luxury of just coasting through life.  Further, we need to continue seeking additional ways to give of ourselves to others.  It doesn't just happen.  We need to ponder regularly what these new ways might be.

The strengthening of our own discipline for appropriate denial of appetites and the giving of ourselves to others is so important to Christians, that long ago we adopted an annual period of reflection on the nature of Jesus Christ's sacrifice.  We call this period Lent.  We observe Lent for the six weeks leading to Easter Sunday.  This year it extends from Ash Wednesday on February 10, to Easter eve on March 26.

During Lent, believers prepare themselves for Easter by paring down their lives through fasting, giving up luxuries, showing penance or their sins, and "giving alms" (donating money, time and talent to charities, or taking part in charity events).  All of these actions are forms of "denial of self."

Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of worshipers as a reminder and celebration of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning for Jesus's sacrifice and our repentance to God.  Ash Wednesday is not only a day of fasting, but also a day of contemplating one's own self-centered transgressions ---- a day of repentance.  The first day of Lent (Ash Wednesday) comes the day after Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras ("Fat Tuesday"), the last day of the "Carnival" season, famously celebrated each year in New Orleans.  The day before Ash Wednesday, therefore, in popular lore, is the last day to indulge in the vices and luxuries one has planned to give up for Lent.

Abstinence and fasting during Lent is a form of penance, but we also need to use this time to reflect on and take stock of our spiritual lives.  Perhaps Lent is not just about "giving up things."  It may be a good time to begin practicing some new, longer-term, positive attitudes. as well as denial of some of the attitudes and appetites we were so comfortable with in the past.

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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.

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WEEKLY COMMENTARY: An E'port Tutor Talks About Creating A Relationship With A Disbelieving Stranger

It was 7:00 o'clock on a Tuesday evening several years ago, and I had just joined the Elizabethport Tutorial Program at Central Presbyterian Church.  I had been accepted as a tutor, along with about 60 other local high school students.

Suddenly, there was a flurry of activity and noise --- the big yellow school bus from Elizabethport had arrived carrying about 40 expectant grade school students from the inner city of Elizabeth, New Jersey.

I sat alone at a table in the church auditorium, waiting for the girl I had never met.  Spread out on the table in front of me were some materials I thought might interest my new student. Shortly, one of the program's adult supervisors came to my table with a young girl student. Her name was Latoya.  She was twelve years old and reluctantly approached the table, eyeing me with distrust and suspicion.

"Welcome!" I said in a friendly manner, trying to hide my nervousness.  "My name is Pattie." Then I introduced myself, describing my high school, my family and some of my extra-curricular activities.  Latoya sat indifferently and disinterested, staring at the tiled floor.  I questioned her, but that did not evoke responses.

I asked her if she liked to read, but Latoya looked at me like I was some kind of nerd.  I had brought a simply-written paragraph to test her reading level, so I asked her to read it to me.  In a monotone, barely an audible whisper, she rattled off the various random words on the page that she recognized, slurring them together as if she was reading them in consecutive sentences.  My palms began to sweat, and my heart began to pound.  Do I dare correct her? Maybe I should never have signed up for this!

Then Latoya asked if she could color some pictures.  Relieved, I found a connect-the-dots picture and a few markers and let her get to work.  After what seemed like hours, the bus driver called for the children to line up.  Grabbing her coat and bag, Latoya got out of her chair and took a few steps to the door.  With a look back over her shoulder, she spoke to me . . .

                  "You gonna be here next week?"

"NO!"  My inner voice wanted to say.  What a disaster!  How can I ever come back!  No way!  Forcing a smile, I looked at her, "Of course! I'll see you next week!"

She turned and disappeared in the hoard of children pushing and shoving their way out the door.  I let out a small cry of anguish, utterly exhausted.

That was my first session with Latoya, and the next few were not much better.  My difficulty in developing a positive rapport with my insolent student continued.  Latoya rejected my friendly overtures and scoffed when I corrected her grammatical, mathematical, or reading mistakes.  Although, she never missed a Tuesday night session, Latoya frequently refused to do any work at all.  For weeks, she would come to the table where I sat, and we would color.  Silently.  Or she would go wandering round the room, visiting her friends, or taking unnecessary trips to the bathroom. I found myself frequently searching for her, completely discouraged, and feeling that I was merely Latoya's entertainment.  Having started the program with the noblest intentions of "making a difference," I was disheartened as I became certain that Latoya didn't even know my first name.

However, I refused to be beaten,  I had an idea.  I brought three very loved books off my own bookshelf.  They were Shel Silverstein's, The Giving Tree,  A Light in the Attic, and Where the Sidewalk Ends. 

Tuesday night arrived and I was armed and ready.  Latoya walked over, and immediately asked to use the bathroom.  I consented, but insisted on accompanying her.  By the way she looked at me, I could tell she knew something was up.

When we returned to the table, I sat her down and explained that these were books my dad had read to me when I was younger, that they were great, and that I was going to read them to her.  She agreed, as long as she could pick which one.  She picked The Giving Tree, presumably because it was the shortest, so we would be done sooner.

I opened the book, and began to read.  Latoya initially mocked the story line, called the tree "stupid" for giving the little boy everything, and laughed at me for actually liking the book. But gradually, she began to search the simply drawn, progressive pictures, and enjoy watching the little boy grow older and older until he was a wrinkled little man.  I watched her face as I read;  I saw her defensive, sharp eyes open and laugh.

I explained that Where the Sidewalk Ends and A Light in the Attic, were collections of poems.  We discussed what poems were, and I asked her to read some.  She and I both laughed at the pictures.  Then she turned to my favorite, "The Twistable Turntable Man," and I insisted on reading it to her, just as my dad had read it to me.  Taking a deep breath, I delighted her in reading the quick rhyming poem at record speed.  "Again!" she said, "Pattie, read it again." 

Shocked at hearing her say my name, I did as I was told me.  And she laughed.  And then Latoya tried to read it, and stumbled over the words so badly they began to sound like gibberish, and she laughed at herself.  She called over her friends and commanded me to read it to them.  We all laughed and she asked me to read it over and over and over.  At the end of the night, Latoya characteristically grabbed her coat and bag, and headed for the door.  Suddenly, however, she ran back, gave me a hug, and then disappeared.

I realized that although Latoya was rowdy and difficult, she was not the demon I had thought her to be, but merely a hardened little girl who had led a tough life.  She had learned not to trust anyone.  I discovered that she did appreciate me, not for the math work we did, or for my grammatical corrections, but for being there every Tuesday night.  I suddenly realized that just by reaching out every week, I was "making a difference," and it was an incredible feeling.

I have decided that this type of service, sharing what I have learned or experienced with less fortunate individuals, while sometimes difficult and trying, is essentially important to living a healthy, fulfilled life.  This endeavor will become a major part of my life, no matter what profession I decide to pursue.

          And the best is yet to come. . . .

The next week, Latoya returned and leaned over to me and said, "You know that book? The tree one?  They have it in the library at my school.

My heart soared.  On the subject of libraries, Latoya had told me that they were for "nerds" and "wimps," and were "stupid."  Yet she had gone to the library and had taken the book home to read to her little brother.  I sat there, at our table, swimming in pride and accomplishment, and beaming at Latoya.

She however, remaining in character, gave me a look as if I were out of my mind, and asked to go to the bathroom.

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Our thanks to Sarah Coyle, a former E'port Tutor, who shared her emotions for this story.

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These words are brought to you by the CPC Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage your spiritual growth this winter.

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