May is the month for commencements and graduations.
College and university graduates then need to ponder life after
graduation. My nephew Tom and I met up the other day after he had
returned home from his university graduation. We were having lunch
together, so we had time to talk.
Tom said he had a few ideas about "what's next,"
but he wanted my advice; and as usual, I am always prepared to give
advice (perhaps too freely). So I answered Tom with a question:
"What are you most passionate about?" Then I reminded Tom how
it is important to distinguish between what we think we are supposed to love
and what we really love.
On my drive home, I began to realize how simplistic my
answer to Tom had been ---- "Do what you love." It degrades
work that is not done from love. It ignores the idea that work
itself possesses an inherent value; and most importantly, it severs the
traditional connection between work, talent and duty.
My father didn't do what he loved. He labored at a job
he detested so that he could send his children to college. Was he just
unenlightened and mistaken to put the well-being of others above his own
personal interests? It might be argued that his idea of self-fulfillment
was taking care of his family. But again, like so many other less
fortunate ones, he hated his work but gritted his teeth and did it well.
It could be argued that my father turned necessity into a
virtue. Or, that taking the best care you can of your family is really a
form of self-service. But getting outside yourself enough to put your own
passions aside for the benefit of a larger circle, be it family or society,
does not come naturally to everyone. Therefore, not everyone will take
this path.
Then I remembered that many faithful Christians believe that
their talents are gifts from God, which they are duty-bound to use in service
to others. In a philosophy course I took in college, this question had
been discussed at length: "Suppose a man finds in himself a talent
which might make him a useful man to others. But he finds himself in
comfortable circumstances and prefers to indulge in pleasure rather than take
pains to enlarge his happy natural capacities." What should he do?
Our professor had argued that one should not decide
that letting one's talents "rust" for the sake of pleasure is
OK. Our professor believed that a "rational" being would want
his faculties to be developed, since they also serve him, and have been
given to him, for all sorts of beneficial purposes. It would be irrational, the
professor believed, to live simply by the rule "do what you love."
This is not to claim that we ought to avoid work that we
love doing just because we love doing it. For some people, a happy
harmony exists or develops in which they find pleasure in using their talents
in a responsible, other-people-oriented way. But the belief that my likes
and dislikes, or my sense of personal meaning alone, should decide what I will
do, is part and parcel of the "gospel of self-fulfillment."
Some folks simply narrow their focus to "What am I best
at doing?" Or, perhaps their focus is "What job would most
improve my family's prospects?" Maybe being licensed as a welder, or
electrician? Maybe the military? Passion and sought-meaning may
nevertheless enter into the mix of our thoughts and emotions, with the
understanding that they could sharpen one's focus and might make one more
successful.
Look at three universally recognized paragons of humanity
---- Nelson Mandela, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Martin Luther King. They did
not organize their lives around self-fulfillment and bucket-list desires.
They, no doubt found a sense of meaning in their heroic acts of
self-sacrifice. But, they did not do what they were doing in order to
achieve a related sense of meaning. They did ---- like my father ----
what they felt they had to do.
Dr. King taught that every life is marked by dimensions of
length, breadth and height. Length refers to self-love, breadth
to the community and care of others, and height to the transcendent, to
something larger than oneself. Most would agree with Dr. King's
prescription that self-fulfillment requires being able to relate yourself to
something higher than self. Traditionally, that something
"higher" was code for God, but whatever each of us believes the
transcendent to be, it demands obedience and the willingness to submerge and
remold our self-oriented desires. I wished I had thought to pass this
wisdom along to my nephew Tom!
Perhaps Tom relishes running marathons. Perhaps he
even thinks of his exercise regimen as a form of self-improvement. But if
his "something higher" is, say, justice and equality, those ideas might
behoove him to delegate some of the many hours spent pounding the track, on
tutoring kids at the youth center.
As I turned into my driveway at home, it seemed clear to me
now that our desires should not be the ultimate arbiters of vocation.
Sometimes we should do what we hate, not merely what we love doing. We
should do what most needs doing, and do it as best we can.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult
Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some
personal spiritual growth this summer at CPC.
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