Monday, March 25, 2019

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: The Building of Empathy


I met a new neighbor the other day.  He was walking his dog, and the friendly dog initiated a conversation between me and my new neighbor.  He, his wife and their two kids were from Ohio, and he has a new job in New York City.

We seemed to have a few things in common, and then he asked me if there might be a Presbyterian Church in Summit.  I did not need to think twice ---- I told him I am a member of the Central Presbyterian Church.  It turned out that CPC is about a 10-minute walk from his house.  I told him we have an active Sunday School and we would welcome him, his wife and their two kids.

Unexpectedly, he asked me to say more about the Sunday School.  His children are ages 10 and 13, so he was looking for more than just the memorization of some Bible stories.  I knew that was a good question, but I didn't really know the answer.  I said I would get more information and report back.

Several days later, I had a chance to visit with Rev. Deborah Huggins, Associate Pastor at Central Church, who directs the church programs for our youth.  Pastor Deborah confirmed that the Parables of Jesus and Bible stories are used in teaching our younger grades, but that our church Sunday School has an equally important second dimension, especially for older children.

"We are trying to develop a keen sense of empathy in each child," she said. "While the word 'empathy' is not to be found in the Bible, the thought was expressed repeatedly by Jesus and his Disciples ---- it is all about our concern for others.  Our Sunday School programs nurture kids in the importance of caring about other people.  We believe that healthy empathy is when we give of ourselves to others, and  do it from the heart."

I realized I did not know much about empathy, so I did a little research.  I learned that people who seem deficient in empathy, are apt to be aggressive, self-focused, narcissistic, always thinking about what's in it for them and never responding to the needs of others.  The research I read told me that we are each born with a given number of neurons that participate in an empathetic response.  But, whether this potential to care appropriately for others is realized or is undermined, largely will be molded by early-life experiences, starting at birth and continuing throughout childhood.

I asked Pastor Deborah, how  a healthy degree of empathy can be instilled in a child?  "Empathy is a mutable trait," she said, "so it can be taught.  We're all born with a certain potential, but it can be dramatically upgraded or downgraded depending upon environmental factors, especially by the examples set by a child's caregivers."  Pastor Deborah said she has vivid memories of her parents taking turkeys before Thanksgiving to the homes of people who had almost nothing.  Or, a parent might say to the family, "Mrs. Jones just came home from the hospital.  Let's take her some soup."  "Our kids tend to focus on what they don't have," she said, "witnessing such acts of care  exposes children to people who have so much less, and it gives the gift of being a giver." 

Pastor Deborah had another important thought.  Our Sunday School teachers know that classroom behavior like sharing, helping and comforting others, builds empathetic behavior in children.  It guides them into the inner world of feelings ---- their own and those of others.

I did some further research on the Sunday School projects of our church, aimed at teaching empathy.  Here are a few examples of our empathy-building youth projects. Two weeks before Christmas, very young Sunday School students wrapped simple gifts and colored-in greeting cards for 50 residents of an old folks home. On other occasions, some of our teenage youth go on inner-city"Mid-Night Runs" several times,,having earlier prepared sandwiches and other food snacks for distribution on particular urban street sidewalks.  College-age students join in an annual one-week Mission Trip to an impoverished or storm-damaged location to help restore daily life for the residents by providing home repairs and encouragement.  Sometimes, the project is merely to make sandwiches for a subsequent adult distribution run to an impoverished urban area, like places in Newark or New York City ---- but the youths will have joined together to make several hundred sandwiches each time. 

I was glad to be able to return to my new neighbor and report the organized effort to build empathy in our Sunday School classes, as reported to me by Pastor Deborah.  Best of all, it reminded me of the many ways our church reinforces empathy in its adult members, with many programs of outreach to the homeless and the hungry in the Summit community and beyond.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage some spiritual growth for you this Spring.
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