Wednesday, December 24, 2014

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Should We Forgive, Just Because It's Christmas?



There is a lot to be said for not forgiving people who have done us wrong.  Why should people who upset our lives, leaving us bleeding in their wake, expect us to forgive everything and act as if nothing went wrong?  Is forgiving in reality a religious trick to seduce hurting people into putting up with wrongs they do not deserve?  Remember that we are talking about forgiving things that we feel are insufferable.  We are not talking about the petty slights that we all inevitably suffer. We are talking about forgiving people who have wronged us, deeply and unfairly.  If forgiving leaves the victim exposed and encourages the wrongdoer to hurt again, why forgive?!

When we urge people to forgive, we are asking them to suffer twice.  First, they suffer the wrong of another person's assault.  They were ripped off.  Betrayed.  Left out in the cold.  Now must they suffer a second injury and swallow the insult to boot?  They are stuck with the hurt ---- must they also bless the person who hurt them?

Is there a case to be made for "honest" forgiveness?  Lewis B. Smedes, a former professor of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary, in his book Forgive & Forget, offers some helpful thoughts.

First, when we say "forgive" we may be asking someone to commit an outrage against humankind's universal instinct for fair play.  Smedes says we should believe in forgiveness only if justice is maintained and guilt acknowledged.  You will forgive only when you dare look at people eyeball to eyeball and tell them that they are responsible for what they did.

Suppose we try to deny the hurt we feel.  If we are too afraid of our own pain to permit ourselves to feel it fully, Smedes tells us, we do not need to deal with the issue of forgiveness.  For practical purposes, there is no hurt to forgive.  But what shoves us into crisis is when we realize the fact that we have been treated unfairly by someone ----  someone who did not have to do it. We can begin to forgive only when we refuse the soft-soaped temptation of toning down the wrong that was laid on us.   Forgiving is only for people who are being honest about the wretched fact of unfair pain, says Professor Smedes.  Forgiving is not for everyone.

But, suppose one refuses to settle for the past (with it's remembered hurt), and you also refuse to forgive.  Is there another option?  Maybe revenge?

Vengeance is a passion to get even.  It is a hot desire to give back as much pain as someone gave you.  An eye for an eye!  The problem with revenge is that it never gets what it wants ---- it never evens the score.  Vengeance always takes both the injured and the injurer on an escalator of pain.  The escalator never stops, never lets anyone off as long as parity is demanded.

Why do family feuds go on and on until everyone is dead ---- or gets too old and too tired to fight? The reason is simple:  no two people, no two families, ever weigh pain on the same scale.  The pain a person causes me always feels heavier to me than it feels to the person who caused it. The pain I inflict on you always feels worse to you than it seems to me.

If you hurt me and I retaliate in kind, I may think that I have given you only what you deserve, no more.  But you will feel it as a hurt that is too great for you to accept.  Your passion for fairness will force you to retaliate against me, harder this time.  Then it will be my turn.  And will it ever stop?

Forgiveness is not the alternative to revenge because it is soft and gentle, says Prof. Smedes. It is a viable alternative, he says,  because it is the only creative route to less unfairness. 

Forgiveness has creative power to move us away from a past moment of pain, to unshackle us from our endless chain of pain-related reactions, and to create a new situation in which both the wrongdoer and the wronged can begin in a new way.

Smedes says it well:

          "Forgiveness offers a chance at reconciliation.  It is an opportunity for a
           life together instead of death together.  Forgiveness is a miracle of the
           will that moves away the heavy hindrance to fellowship, a miracle that 
           will be fulfilled when the two estranged people come together in as fair
           a new relationship as is possible at that time and in those circumstances."

Forgiveness begins midstream in the flow of unfairness, and starts a new movement toward another fairness.  An imperfect fairness, to be sure, but better at least than endless perpetuation of the old unfairness.  It breaks the grip that past wrong and pain have on our minds and frees us for whatever fairer future lies amid the unknown potential of our tomorrows.

There is no guarantee.  But, forgiving is the only door open to possibility.  This Christmas, do you see any opportunities for reconciliation with someone who has hurt you in the past?  This might be the best Christmas gift you could give to yourself!
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These thoughts are brought to you by the Adult Spiritual Development Team at CPC, hoping to encourage your personal spiritual growth this winter.
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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Can We Talk About SIN In The Happy Season of Christmas?

My grand kids have shared their ideas of "dream" gifts for me to give them at Christmas.  My daughters have generous gifts planned for their husbands.  Generally, there seems to be a feeling of joy and anticipation at this time of year.

Of course, the media "education" we continually receive about things to purchase that will make others HAPPY (even if only briefly) may be bending our thoughts in a certain direction.  So, perhaps by now our Christmas thoughts have little to do with the birth of Jesus in a manger, thousands of years ago in far-off Bethlehem.

Today, with so much persuasion in the air, it is easy to forget the real reason we have persisted for more than two thousand years to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  What does that birth really mean to us?  Did the birth of Jesus actually give us something more important than the expectation of receiving some Christmas gifts?

Many people believe the answer lies in understanding a fundamental problem all of us have.
The Bible explains again and again that in general people's hearts are drawn toward selfishness and pride. The Bible, in it's wisdom tells us how we should live, but it also says, "you can't, and you won't."  Fortunately, it does provide a solution to the problem ---- in Jesus.  

In order to be a Christian a person must admit that he or she is a sinner.  "Sin" is an attitude in which we focus on ourselves and thus replace God.  The real God and his law become secondary in our lives.  Probably we are not consistently sinful all the time, but we know that from time to time we place our pride and  well-being first, even if others may sacrifice because of us. Are any of us not sinners some of the time?

Actually, in order to really be a Christian, a person must admit that he or she is a sinner.  It is not really a surprise that Christians sin, that there is an inconsistency between what they say and what they do.

R.C. Sproul writes, "The Christian Church is one of the few organizations in the world that requires a public acknowledgement of sin as a condition of membership.  In one sense, the church has fewer hypocrites than any other institution because by definition the church looks for sinners and is a haven for them.  If the church claimed to be an organization of perfect people, then her claim would be hypocritical.  But no such claim is made by the church.  There is no slander in the charge that the church is full of sinners.  Such a statement actually gives a compliment to the church for fulfilling her divinely appointed task."

Christianity is often equated with "obeying the rules," thereby making us think we just need to be a morally superior person.  Actually, most religions operate on a simple principle:  "If I live as I ought, I will be accepted by God."

But, Christianity has a completely different operating principle ----

I am already accepted by God, as a gift through what Jesus has done for us on the Cross. Therefore, out of gratitude, I will try to live as I ought.  Christians are people who understand that they will always fail to live as they should.  Therefore, that they need forgiveness and God's freely-given grace.

The prerequisite to becoming a Christian is admitting that one has this problem, and that we need God's help.  So, continual repentance in the sense of our humility before God should be the mark of a Christian.

The difference between a Pharisee in the New Testament and a follower of Jesus Christ, is not that the Pharisee and the Christian are not both trying to obey God, they actually are.  However, the Pharisee is doing it only self-righteously, so as to feel superior to other people ---- there is no humility there.  So, when the Pharisee does wrong, he will not admit to the wrong.

Jesus criticized people who do "religious" things just to feel superior to others.  Jesus understood that the chief danger from the kind of religious moralism in which a person or a community feels they have earned God's favor, is that it could lead them to feeling that they deserve special deference and respect from all other folks ---- it produces an unfortunate and unwarranted ego trip.

Jesus himself sacrificed his life so that his followers could be reconciled to God, making their pride and self-interest secondary.  Christians follow someone (Jesus) who sacrificed everything (all of his pride and self-interest) to redeem and renew the world.  At the heart of the Christian faith is a man who died a victim of injustice, but who called for the forgiveness of his enemies. Jesus is the example we sinners are trying to follow.

So, understanding the importance of the message of Jesus, we come annually to the celebration of Christmas.  We can see that the real gifts of Christmas are not the material things ---- the Christmas gifts, the Christmas parties and the Christmas cards, even thought they delight us at first.  The real gift is more fundamental in our lives ---- it is the gift of the birth of Jesus, who showed us a path out of our sinfulness.

Merry Christmas!
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.
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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Are Advent and Christmas Only About Jesus?

December 25 each year for centuries has been thought by many people to be the birthday of Jesus Christ.  Christians think of it as the day that God placed his only son in the midst of mankind, thus attempting to show his love for us by teaching an improved approach to our mortal life.  This so impressed us, that we even designated the four weeks prior to Christmas as Advent, and made it a joyful time of anticipation for the Christmas Day celebration of Jesus' arrival.

Of course, some of us have found the rituals of purchasing and giving gifts, sending greeting cards and meeting with friends and neighbors at holiday parties, a frantic effort to stay on a tight schedule. Most of this occurs during the four weeks of Advent, so perhaps we are not all that well prepared for Christmas, after all.

So, what is the point of Christmas?  Was it merely something for Jesus, Mary and Joseph to do, or is it more complicated and profound?

Well-known Pastor Rick Warren, with a church in California, offers some helpful ideas on how we can re-focus ourselves to the deeper meaning of Christmas.  He explains why we should have real gratitude for the birth of Jesus.

Warren says the first purpose of Christmas is to celebrate.  God loves you!  Not based on what you do, but based on who he is.  Our good works do not buy God's favor.  Secondly, God is with you and will never abandon you.  You may not feel like he is near, but that just means you are not tuned-in.  Thirdly, God is not against you.  He is not out to get you or make you miserable. God loves you.  God is with you.  God is for you.  Therefore, the gift to mankind of God's only son is a priceless gift to you.

But, there is more! 
There is this thing called "Salvation."  Rick Warren believes that most people recognize their need for somebody greater than themselves ---- someone to help them through a problem, rescue them from a tight spot, and ultimately save them from something they can't solve on their own. They realize the need for somehow being saved ---- salvation.

Warren believes that salvation is three-dimensional.  You are saved FROM something ---- yourself. Sin is an attitude.  It is a pride problem.  Sin is saying, "I want to be my own boss.  I don't need God."  The problem with sin is that it separates us from God.  Jesus came to set us free from our sin.  So, there is something from which we need to be set free.  We need to be set free from ourselves.  We need a savior!
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In addition, Pastor Warren believes Jesus came to save us FOR a purpose.  It's in Christ, he says, that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  But, Warren believes, you will never be completely satisfied with your life until you find out what is the purpose God has for you, and how to bring it to pass.  You were not made for mere "success" in some secular sense. You were made for a higher level ---- "significance."  Significance comes from knowing God, his purpose for your life, and then for you to fulfill it.

Thirdly, Rick Warren reminds us that Jesus came to save us BY his grace.  Grace is when God gives us what we need and not what we deserve.  Grace is when God says, "I'm going to take your problem and make it my problem."  God came to save us from our hurts, our habits and our hang-ups.

So far, God and Jesus have done all the work.  What role do we play at Christmas time, if any?Rick Warren sees a very difficult but important role for us!  In a word, it is "Reconciliation" ---- when a broken relationship is restored.

Pastor Warren says there are three kinds of such peace:

  --- First, if you are trying to live life without God, then you are at war with God and you need a peace treaty.  How do you make peace with God?  You don't do it by promising to be good.  You don't do it by being perfect.  You can't be perfect.  You don't do it by never sinning.  You will sin. You make peace, the Bible says, by faith ---- faith in God's grace.

  --- Second, you've got two choices in life.  In every circumstance, you can pray or panic.  You can worship or worry.  If you prayed as much as you worry, you would have a whole lot less to worry about.  The peace of God happens in your heart when you've made peace with God.

  --- Third, God has given us both a ministry and a message (and it's about reconciliation) ---- to help other people find peace with God and peace with each other.

With whom do you need to rebuild a broken relationship this Christmas?  Just remember that you will need to let Jesus Christ fill you with his love so you love other people the way he does.  And, you will need to let him fill you with his forgiveness.  Until you let God in, and feel truly forgiven, you don't have the ability to forgive others.

So, we have a range of gifts to acknowledge this Christmas.  There could be new golf clubs, a new car or something even more grand in a material sense.  At the same time, we can count on an invaluable gift from God, as evidenced by the birth of Jesus.  But, one of the most precious gifts we can give might simply be the gift of forgiveness to someone who caused us pain in the year that is now behind us, just as God's grace has already forgiven us of repeated sinning.

Merry Christmas!
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this fall at CPC.
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Monday, December 1, 2014

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Bringing Different Worlds Together

Last week violence flared up again in Ferguson, Missouri after a grand jury failed to indict a white police officer who killed the unarmed black youth Michael Brown.  This violent reaction showed once again that black and white people rarely view race in the same way or agree about how to resolve racial conflicts.

In an opinion piece in The New York Times on November 30, Michael Eric Dyson, a professor of sociology at Georgetown University, makes the point that "the instrument through which one perceives race ---- one's culture, one's experiences, one's fears and fantasies ---- alters in crucial ways the reality of what it measures.  Dyson goes on to say that "Our American culture's fearful dehumanizing of black men materialized once again when Officer Wilson saw Michael Brown as a demonic force who had to be vanquished in a hail of bullets."

In the same New York Times edition, columnist Nicholas Kristof quotes an incident when a black man was stopped by six police officers who detained him, with guns ready, and treated him for 30 minutes as a dangerous suspect.  That young black man was future U.S. Senator Cory Booker, who had been a senior class president at Stanford University and was a newly selected Rhodes Scholar. Yet our law enforcement system reduced him to a stereotype ---- so young Booker sat trembling and praying that he wouldn't be shot by the police.

Nicholas Kristof goes on to say he thinks part of the problem is that well-meaning Americans who disapprove of racism inadvertently help perpetuate it.  "We aren't racists," Kristof says, "yet we buttress a system that acts in racist ways.  This occurs partly because of deeply embedded stereotypes that trick us, even when we want to be fair."

So, how can we nurture "one America."  Many wise voices have recommended evidence-based solutions that would boost educational outcomes, improve family cohesion and connect people to jobs.  These ideas seem to have merit, but they require government action.  What can individual citizens do to bring different worlds together?

For nearly 45 years, Central Presbyterian Church has sponsored a program called "Elizabethport Tutorial."  From early October until the end of March, each year, we have met on Tuesday nights in the church auditorium, for an hour.

We bring about 40 grade-schoolers by bus from Elizabethport (a section of the City of Elizabeth, N.J.), and they meet with 60 or 70 tutors from high schools local to Summit.  Public high schools in Summit, Chatham, Springfield and New Providence are represented, but also local private schools like Oak Knoll, Kent Place, Morristown-Beard and Pingry.  Our students are African-American or Hispanic.  The tutors are generally white and middle class.  But, it works!

Because the building of personal relationships between tutor and student is so important to us, each student is assigned a permanent tutor ---- the same tutor, week after week.  Many students have two regular tutors, so that if one tutor is briefly involved in sports or other activities, there is always continuity.

As the tutor gets to know his or her student, they will see individual areas of academic weakness.  One student does not like to read aloud because he doesn't do it very well.  Another student has trouble with math, so some number exercises are offered.  Importantly, this teaching and practice occurs through great amounts of talking.  If the student has read a story to the tutor, for example, the tutor may ask the student now to tell the story again in his or her own words. Often, the student or the tutor simply talk about things they have been doing in their daily lives. Our purpose is not just academics ---- we are mentoring!

Why do the Elizabethport students come to Tutorial each week, when they could instead be home watching TV, or doing other things?  Each child would answer this question a little differently, but for most of them, as for most kids, they are happy to be out with their friends on sort of an adventure.  As they begin to bond with their particular tutor, THAT becomes a big draw. A few parents may push their students to come to Tutorial, but most tell us they simply hear the kids saying they do not want to miss the Tuesday night Tutorial session.  It may be an exaggeration, but we have been told that some parents have used Tutorial as a "stick," saying to their child:
           "If you do not behave, I will not let you go to Tutorial on Tuesday evening!"

How is it that we are blessed with so many dedicated tutors?  Each tutor undoubtedly will have his or her particular reasons, but somewhere on their list is "the personal relationship I have with my student."  They are there every Tuesday because they don't want to disappoint their student. This is not necessarily what one expects from the typically busy high-schooler.  But, over time the student-tutor relationship grows deeper, as they learn more about each other, and fondness blossoms, while stereotypes wither ---- on both sides.  We have heard of high-school age tutors who have satisfied any Community Service requirements their school may have imposed, but the tutor wants to come back to give a second or even a third year of tutoring.  Some tutors have even described the rewards of their experience as one of our tutors, on their college application. Some Summit-area parents have encouraged their kids to serve as tutors ---- we have often had brothers and sisters serving at the same time, or in successive years.

We see the students and tutors learning things about themselves and about each other through the Tutorial experience.  For the tutors, it brings home to them how fortunate they are for what they have, and to be sure to use it wisely.  The tutors also discover that their students are much more like them than they may have realized ---- they didn't just read about this, they now have experienced it.  Both students and tutors can now live beyond the stereotypes that the media and society may have given us.  

For the students, we expect them to see greater opportunities for their own lives, by just listening to their tutor's own stories and encouragement, and witnessing the importance of life focus and working hard on their studies.

CPC's Elizabethport Tutorial Program truly brings different "worlds" together ---- High School youth meet grade-schoolers; suburban middle class youth meet African-American and Hispanic kids from one of New Jersey's largest urban centers. We believe that ALL of us are benefiting.

We seek to never have a "Ferguson" experience in our own back yard!
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this fall at CPC.
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