Wednesday, September 30, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: When Different Worlds Teach Each Other

It was 7:00 p.m. on a Tuesday evening.  A large yellow school bus pulled up in front of Central Presbyterian Church in Summit.  Forty-five grade-schoolers and five adult supervisors jumped out and ran into the CPC auditorium.  Waiting for them were more than 60 high-school-age tutors, prepared to welcome and mentor them for the next hour of that evening.  One hundred plus youth gathered in the CPC auditorium, with some degree of good order, is an amazing sight!

From October through March, for nearly 50 years, Central Presbyterian Church has invited youngsters from Elizabethport (the oldest section of the City of Elizabeth, N.J.) to meet in this way in CPC's auditorium for a weekly hour of concentrated talk and study.

Public high schools in Summit, Chatham, Springfield and New Providence are the sources of the tutors, as well as local private schools like Oak Knoll, Kent Place, Morristown-Beard and Pingry. The students are African-American or Hispanic.  The tutors generally are white and middle class. But, it works!

Because the building of personal relationships between tutor and student is so important to us, each student is assigned a permanent tutor --- the same tutor, week after week.  Many students have two regular tutors, so that if one tutor is involved briefly in sports or other activities, there is always continuity.

As the tutors get to know their students, they will see individual areas of academic weakness. One student does not like to read aloud because he doesn't do it very well.  Another student has trouble with math, so some number exercises are offered.  Importantly, this teaching and practice occurs through great amounts of talking.  If the student has read a story to the tutor, for example, the tutor may ask the student now to tell the story again in his or her own words.  Often, the student or the tutor simply talk about things they have been doing in their daily lives.  Our purpose is not just academics --- we are mentoring!

Why do the Elizabethport students come to Tutorial each week, when they could instead be home watching TV, or doing other things?  Each child would answer this question a little differently, but for most of them, as for most kids, they are happy to be out with their friends on sort of an adventure. However, as they begin to bond with their particular tutor, the tutor becomes the big draw.  A few parents may push their students to come to Tutorial, but most tell us they simply hear the kids saying they do not want to miss the Tuesday night Tutorial session.  It may be an exaggeration, but we have been told that some parents have used Tutorial as a "stick," saying to their child:  "If you do not behave, I will not let you go to Tutorial on Tuesday evening!"

How is it that we are blessed with so many dedicated tutors?  Each tutor undoubtedly will have his or her particular reasons, but somewhere on their list is "the personal relationship I have with my student."  They are there every Tuesday because they don't want to disappoint their student. This is not what some expect from the typically busy high-schooler.

But, over time the student-tutor relationship grows deeper, as they learn more about each other, and fondness blossoms, while stereotypes wither ---- on both sides.  We have head of high-school-age tutors who have satisfied any Community Service requirements their school may have imposed, but the tutor wants to come back to give a second or even a third year of tutoring. Some tutors have even described the rewards of their experience as one of our tutors on their college application.  Summit-area parents often have encouraged their kids to serve as tutors ---- we have had brothers and sisters serving at the same time, or in successive years.

We see the students and tutors learning things about themselves and about each other through the Tutorial experience.  For the tutors, it brings home to them how fortunate they are for what they have, and to be sure to use it wisely.  The tutors also discover that their students are much more like them than they may have realized ---- they are not just reading about this, they will now have experienced it.  Both students and tutors can now live beyond the stereotypes that the media and society may have given us.

For the students, we expect them to see greater opportunities for their own lives, by just listening to their tutor's own stories and encouragement, and witnessing the importance of life focus and working hard at their studies.

CPC's Elizabethport Tutorial Program truly brings different "worlds" together ---- high school youth meeting with grade-schoolers, suburban middle class youth meeting with African-American and Hispanic kids from one of New Jersey's largest urban centers.  We believe that ALL of us are benefiting.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this fall at CPC. 
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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: What Kinds of Temptations Are Hardest For You to Block?

I have a friend who one day saw an unfamiliar dog sniffing around in his back yard.  The dog was a beauty ---- seemingly thoroughbred, with clean lines and friendly disposition.  My friend called the dog over to him and saw there was a dog collar which had  the name, address and phone number of a person, presumably the owner, who lived on the other side of town.

My friend said he then had two conflicting thoughts.  Should he call the person identified on the dog collar to come and collect this dog?  Or, should he take the collar off and adopt this beautiful animal for himself?   Clearly, my friend was being tempted.

What is "temptation"?  Webster says that to "tempt" is "to entice to do wrong by the promise of pleasure or gain."  It seems to start when we become aware of a desire inside of us. It may be a sinful desire, like the desire to get revenge or to control others.  Or, it may be a legitimate, normal desire, like the desire to be loved and valued, or to feel pleasure.  But "desire" starts to become "temptation" when we think about giving in to evil desire, or to fulfill a legitimate desire in a wrong way or at a wrong time.  Temptation always starts in one's mind, not in the circumstances outside of us.

Next, in the progress of temptation, some doubt arises about whether what we are tempted to do is really wrong.  Clearly, this dog was the property of another person, but every dog needs shelter, food and love, and my friend was ready, willing and able to provide those things well.  Would God really not want my friend to keep the dog?  Didn't God mean this prohibition for someone else or some other time?  Didn't God want my friend to be happy!??

The next step would be deception, a step that some people attribute to the work of Satan.  In this view, Satan is incapable of telling the truth.  Satan offers his lie to replace what God has already said in his Word.  One can expect Satan's little voice inside us to say things like:  "You can get away with it.  No one will ever know.  It will solve your problem.  Besides, everyone else is doing it. It is only a little sin."  But a little sin is like being a little pregnant ----- it will eventually show itself.

Finally, my friend will need to act, or not act, on the thought he has been toying with in his mind. What will happen?  Will a mere idea now be born into behavior?  Will he now give-in to the desire to keep the dog?

Understanding how temptation works is helpful in itself.  But there are specific steps one  can take to prevent wrong choices.

In his book, "The Purpose-Driven Life," Pastor Rick Warren says that some Christians feel ashamed just for being tempted.  This is a misunderstanding, says Pastor Warren.  One never outgrows temptation.  It is not a sin to be tempted.  Jesus was tempted.  Temptation only becomes a sin when one gives into it, says Warren.

Pastor Warren goes on to urge us to recognize our patterns of temptation and to be prepared for them.  He says there are certain situations that make us more vulnerable to temptation than others.  Some circumstances will cause us to stumble almost immediately, he says, while others don't bother us much.  Ask yourself, "When am I most tempted?  What day of the week?  What time of day?  Where am I most tempted?  At work?  At home?  At a sports bar?"  It may be when we are tired or lonely or bored or depressed or under stress.  It may be when our feelings have been hurt, or we are angry, or after a big success or on a spiritual high.  Wise planning reduces bad outcomes from temptation, urges Pastor Warren. 

Importantly, Rick Warren says that heaven has "a twenty-four hour emergency hot line."  Pastor Warren believes God wants us to ask for assistance in preventing bad temptation choices. When temptation choices develop, he says, you may not have time for a long conversation with God     ----- you simply cry out!

Rick Warren concludes by asking, "If God is willing to help us defeat the unwise temptation choice, why don't we turn to him more often?  Perhaps sometimes we don't want to be helped. We may want to give in to temptation even though we know our choice is wrong.  At that moment we think we know what's best for us, more than God does.  At other times we are embarrassed to ask God for help because we keep giving in to the same bad temptation choice over and over.

Oh, and what did my friend finally do about the temptation to keep that handsome, wandering dog?  Just then, his wife came home and found him struggling with the temptation.  "Don't be silly," she said, "give me the dog collar so I can call the dog's owner!"
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage your personal growth this fall at CPC.
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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Two Ways To Look At Our Inventory of Sins

The other night I was walking near the Summit Train Station, when I bumped into a neighborhood friend.  After some "small talk," my neighbor Ben sighed and remarked that Rosh Hashanah would begin at sundown on the next day, which was Tuesday, September 13.  "It is the Jewish New Year's, and my family always celebrates it in the full Jewish tradition," Ben told me.

I was curious about this event.  Being a Christian, I really did not understand much about it, so I asked Ben to tell me more.

"The Jewish New Year differs in some fundamental ways from the secular New Year," my neighbor said.  "The observance, for example, is far more muted.  This is because the Jewish New Year is largely a period of introspection that begins with Rosh Hashanah and extends for ten days until Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  This ten-day period is meant to be a time of stock-taking, of self-reflection."

"It is customary during this time, for example, to seek out in person those whom we may have offended in the preceding year and ask forgiveness.  So, this period of ten days is a time principally to reflect on how we are conducting our lives, and specifically how we may have messed up.  Given the scope of that task, sometimes I think ten days is not nearly enough time!" he said.

I had to say that as a Christian I regularly search for the same things in my life, and then I ask God to forgive me.

"The ten days beginning on Rosh Hashanah concludes on Yom Kippur, September 22," my friend continued.  "If there is any day of the year when even the most non-observant, non-believing Jew goes to Temple, this is it.  Anyone my age remembers with pride when in 1965 Sandy Koufax of the Los Angeles Dodgers refused to pitch in Game One of the World Series because it fell on Yom Kippur."

I asked Ben, "Why do virtually all Jews in the world go to Temple on Yom Kippur?  What happens there on that day that is so compelling?"

"Well," Ben said, "in the broadest sense, what Jews do in Temple on Yom Kippur is to stand as a community and publicly confess their sins.  The Jewish concept of sin differs in some important ways from that of other religions.  Judaism teaches that humans are born with free will, and are born morally neutral, with both an inclination toward goodness, leading to a productive life and being concerned for others ----- but, also an inclination toward evil, the baser instincts and selfishness.  The moral laws in the Torah ----- starting with the Ten Commandments, but including hundreds of other commandments, are meant to help steer one's behavior toward the good.  To Jews, sinning is like an arrow missing the target.  Sinning, in short, is missing the mark."

My friend continued, "The ways in which individuals can miss the mark during the course of a year are many, and in the Yom Kippur service we stand all together and recite them out loud. The list we recite ----- and we do it multiple times ----- runs through the alphabet with each letter corresponding to a different sin.  This does not mean we have committed only 24 sins (the number of letters in the Hebrew alphabet) but that as the confessing group, we have committed the whole range of sins (from A to Z), the full gamut of possible human failings.  For every mark that could have been missed someone among us surely has missed it, and sometime in our lives, we have missed it.  So we stand together and say aloud, 'We have been arrogant, we have betrayed, we have stolen, we've corrupted our own character, we have corrupted the character of others, we've been deceitful, we've ridiculed good people, we've made misleading statements.' And every seven or eight sins or so, we stop and ask God for forgiveness (presumably we've already asked forgiveness from the people we've actually hurt).  We say, 'Forgive all these sins. forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.'  And then we continue with the list of sins."

Ben added that this full day at Temple is done while observing a complete 24-hour fast!

My friend was silent for a few moments.  Then he said, "I like the Yom Kippur ritual because it presupposes that human beings are fallible, that we all miss the mark sometimes, and that with effort, we can control some of our baser urges and maybe do better next year.  I find reciting the litany of possible failures is a good way to take stock ---- as I say the list out loud together with the congregation, I often think to myself, "Yup, did that one.  Yeah, did that one, too.  Oh, there's one I'm not guilty of ----- at least not this year.'  For me, there are always more 'guiltys' than 'not-guiltys,' but it is interesting year to year to see how my failings either remain consistent or shift with circumstances," he said.

We had just reached my street and I wished there was more time to talk to Ben about the management of sin.  As a Christian, I did not believe that I was born morally neutral ---- it seemed that I was born biased toward sinning, so I was grateful that someone named Jesus had made a very great sacrifice to redeem me.  But, both Ben and I are in possession of free will. The problem is that often we don't use our free will effectively to live as God directs us.

As I walked toward my house, I began comparing these two very different styles of sin management.  As Ben described the Jewish approach, there is intensity and depth, with sins specifically named and acknowledged.  But, it is done formally only once a year.  However, I do assume that Jews are always free to make a "sin self-examination" informally at any time.

In my experience as a Presbyterian, I recall that every Sunday in Worship we formally acknowledge in general terms that we are sinners, without publicly being specific about the whole range of sins we may have committed.  But, we do this every week.  Perhaps we only give our sinfulness a glancing blow, but we do it frequently.

I began to wonder if there might be some real value in each approach.  Do we Presbyterians need a little more intensity and depth, while perhaps the Jewish practice would benefit from a little more frequency, in seriously addressing personal sinfulness?  But, one solution does not fit all people!  Each of us must find our optimal intensity, depth and frequency to address our inherent tendency to sin..
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this fall at CPC.
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Thursday, September 10, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Generosity: Are There Different Rewards For Making the Gift of Ourselves, and Not Just Making Gifts of Money?

Hardly a day goes by when I do not receive a couple of phone calls and letters inviting me to donate some money to a worthy cause.  Hardly a year goes by without one of my kids or my house or my car also needing some financial help.  Sometimes the steady drumbeat of financial needs makes me wonder if perhaps the only thing important about me is the money I have to give to others.

Most of us are familiar with the story Jesus tells about the Good Samaritan (Luke 14:25-37).  A Jewish man was riding through a mountainous, remote area where he was robbed, beaten, and left in the road "half-dead."  A Samaritan came along the road.  Samaritans and Jews were the bitterest of enemies.  Yet when the Samaritan saw the man in the road, he was moved with compassion.  He braved the danger of stopping, give the injured man emergency medical aid, and transported him to a nearby inn.  He then paid the innkeeper and directed him to care for the man until he had fully recuperated.  That would have been a substantial expense.

What was Jesus doing with this story?  He was showing us what it means to love your neighbor. Jesus shows us the Samaritan meeting the material, physical and economic needs of the injured Jew ---- the Samaritan planned for the injured man's recovery and paid all the related expenses. But, the Samaritan's time with the injured man was brief --- he did not give much of himself, other than his money.

I realize that this is exactly what most of my charity-giving requests are asking of me. Would I please simply write a check, mail it and thus be done with this charity ---- until next year?  This is not enough to really satisfy me, and perhaps you feel the same way. We each have more to give "our neighbor" than just our money!

Three on-going activities at Central Church have helped us fill this "giving gap."  One is the CPC High School Mission Trip, where more than 40 teenagers and adults go for a week to live in some needy place, do some construction repairs on houses and roofs, but most importantly develop relationships with the destination hosts.  These "hosts" are so different in life experience from the CPC Mission trippers, that the latter must exit their shells and give something of themselves (so, it is no longer just about giving money).   What can they give?  For the children of the hosts, who are seriously considering dropping out of school, or who have no real plans for their lives, our Mission Trip teenagers encourage these host kids to raise their sights ---- they help the kids define a vision for themselves that could be more fulfilling and perhaps even more financially rewarding. But, will only a week of contact and friendship really do this in a lasting way?  We do not know until we give it a good "college" try.

Now, consider the Elizabethport Tutorial Program which meets at Central Church every Tuesday evening from October until March.  On a typical Tuesday night about 100 kids gather in the CPC auditorium.  We bus 40-45 kids to Summit from the Elizabethport Presbyterian Center, and they are joined by about 60 teenage tutors from local high schools.  On-going relationships are developed between student and tutor.  The tutors find themselves encouraging their students to apply themselves more fully, and for many students the encouragement of the tutors has boosted student career goals and study habits.  The tutors are not giving "money" ---- they are giving something more priceless.  They are giving their own example as achievers, and showing the Elizabethport students some of the things that are possible for them in the future.  This is a priceless gift.

A totally different Central Church practice is the "Midnight Run."  Each month or so, CPC Youth and accompanying adults, make several hundred sandwiches and a supply of coffee or soup, and troop into places in New York City where homeless folks are known to gather in the evenings.  It may be under bridges or in city parks.  There they deliver their gift of food; but, more than that, they talk with these "friends" whom they sometimes will meet again on subsequent "Midnight Runs."   The great thing about this endeavor is that each side discovers they are dealing with real people.  Each shared story is different for both the CPC participants and the homeless, but the encounter is not quickly forgotten.  Which do you think is worth more?  The sandwiches and soup, or the cordial human encounter?

Sure, not-for-profits will continue to ask for your money and mine ---- they must do so in order to keep going.  But, ask yourself whether you have something more to give "your neighbor" than merely your money.

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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage some personal growth for you this year at CPC.
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