Tuesday, March 24, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Why Help Others Identify Their Personal Gifts?

From time to time, we all have a friend or two whose morale seems low.  Perhaps they are bored with their job, overwhelmed by medical or financial issues, or just overworked. As a caring friend, you wonder if there is anything you can do to help. And yet, we do not want to intrude too much on their privacy, or imply that we think they are not up to solving their own problems, by themselves.

There are a number of ways to engage our hurting friend in personal conversation, but one way I have often found fruitful is to gently ask, "What personal gifts do you think you have?"  The very nature of the question ---- "What gifts do you have?" ---- seems to affirm the person's dignity and hopefully encourages them to take a more positive attitude about their life.  This is not asking how do they spend their time, but rather to think about the choices they might be making in the use of their personal gifts.

I think of a "personal gift" as any talent or skill which one uses better, easier or more successfully than most other people.  Therefore, employing one's personal gifts is often a source of pleasure, providing a warm sense of achievement.

Usually the friend will cite a gift or two, with a sense of pride.  What personal gifts has God given to you that can be used to improve your life?  Too often folks do not even focus on whether they have any "gifts."  So, they need to take inventory.  How can they be a better steward of their gifts and personal resources, and thus develop the God-given potential that they have had from the very start?

Surprisingly, a person's inward opinion of their gifts may be quite different from what they tell you about themselves.  Sometimes a bit of false modesty creeps in ---- they do not want to appear to be bragging!  At other times we'll hear a personal gift described that had totally eluded us in our relationship with this friend.  I remember that as a teenager I had some dreams based on gifts I "wished" myself into believing that I had, but didn't have. Luckily I outgrew those false gift illusions.

So, what do you say to a friend who tells you, "Yes, I have several personal gifts I would like to develop, but my daily life is already committed ---- I have a demanding job, and a wife and kids, so I have no time just now to try new things."  Many of us can sympathize with this over-committed friend.  It may sound a little grand, but how about trying to enjoy the feast by taking just a few bites at a time, chewing thoroughly, and then savoring the flavor?

I once had a friend who had a passion for soccer, but knew he was no longer young enough to continue playing.  He  turned to coaching a YMCA youth team and was happy to discover that he not only had a gift for soccer, but also a gift for teaching youngsters the finer points of the game.  He simply adjusted how to use his gifts to fit his new circumstances.

This reminds me of another important point.  When you inventory your personal gifts, some of those gifts show up over and over again through the years.  However, be alert to new arrivals.  New experiences, new challenges and new relationships with other people, may bring some new items to our personal gift inventory.  Some people call this "growth" ---- you should treat it as a blessing, and put it to work.

Where does this take us?  First, we need to be really clear about the nature of our own gifts, and find ways and time to employ them.  Secondly, when we encounter someone who will focus mainly on his or her problems, not on their gifts, draw them into conversation about this unfamiliar aspect of their lives, their gifts.  If you are lucky, you will have some impact on their viewpoint ---- a negative viewpoint that has been blinding them to the capabilities, skills and resources they possess.  Ideally, they will come to see a person (themselves) who is full of possibilities given to them by God.

The beauty of this approach is that their "cure" comes from within themselves ---- you are simply the catalyst and encouragement, but that is indispensable help. Remember, your role as encourager is not a one-shot assignment.  Keep giving positive reinforcement, praise, and appreciation to your friend, for continuing the hard work they have started.  
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this spring at CPC.
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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Today, How Do Our Kids Learn About Jesus?

It is interesting how the process of faith formation evolves throughout a person's life. Gallop Poll data shows that for decades adults have tended to be more serious about religion soon after they have children.  Before the first child is born, the parents may practice some degree of faith in and commitment to Jesus ---- perhaps they attended worship occasionally.  But their Bible knowledge, regular weekday devotions and awareness of Christian principles may have been sketchy.

When adults become parents, a change often occurs.  Now the focus is not particularly on their own faith, or lack of it ---- it becomes their desire to be "good" parents who prepare their child well in his or her search for meaning in life.

I have friends with a 4-year-old boy who asked his parents if they would please say grace before the family meals.  The parents normally did not do this.  Apparently, however, their son had learned in day care to bow his head and give thanks, and he wanted Mom and Dad to do the same.  They now join him in saying grace because they want to "support his search for meaning," they told me.  "We want him to make his own decision one day about what he wants to believe in.  We want him to ask questions.  So, if he wants to pray, then we are going to pray along with him."

Today, the home may be the primary setting where children learn meaning as to their relationship with God and their place in the universe.  Public schools are forbidden by law to get into such subjects, in the spirit of separation of church and state, as practiced in the United States.

In many families, it is in the home and not at church where children mainly acquire their religious awareness.  In spite of imaginative Sunday School teaching, there are schedule conflicts with sports and other activities which may supplant regular attendance at church Sunday School.  At a time when shrinking percentages of Americans claim religious affiliation, sociological research and religious organizations suggest that responsibility for forming a child's faith identity is shifting from institutions to the parents.

Perhaps this is also true at Central Church.  In January, 2015, 43 youth were signed up for weekly Middle School Sunday School.  As of March 15, 25 had never attended a class, and 4 had attended only one class since the first Sunday in January.  Only 8 had attended 4 or more of the 8 classes taught so far in 2015.

No doubt there were good reasons for the many absences.  But, for the absentees, either they were being educated at home about the Bible and Jesus, or perhaps they were not being spiritually educated at all.  Of course, in those homes that do not place a high value on such spiritual education, their youth will have little to go on except what has come from their parents.  Would these kids make up any teaching gaps later in life?

For families that embrace the challenge, parenting now involves serving as a child's primary guide to spirituality, which can range from bedtime prayers to volunteering together as a family on a mission project.

Meanwhile, church congregations increasingly need to build up resources that coach families in the how-to's of spiritual mentoring at home.  This needs to be done in a way that doesn't expect Mom and Dad to be Bible experts.  Many churches already provide resources and encouragement to parents, having recognized the current shift in the learning process.

CPC provides Bible story materials, maps of the Holy Land and other Bible-related materials for use at home, supporting efforts to bring Bible knowledge to kids.  Just ask!

In addition to aiding parents in these ways, the pastors and staff of the church are a friendly resource for parents.  But, the most important elements in the process of a child's spiritual development probably are the parents themselves, and the participatory example they present to the kids.  This is really important, because increasingly it appears that faith is acquired at home or not at all!

There is one other important dimension here.  The emergence of community service requirements or church-sponsored mission participation as a dominant value, to some degree, may devalue faith itself.  The development of a caring heart may be accompanied by the practice of a "religionless" Christianity.  Absent are the symbols and God-related conversations that church-based worship would have provided.   Aware of this growing void, many parents increasingly recognize the value of leading explicitly religious activities at home ---- prayer, reading and discussion of Scripture, re-calling Bible stories for their relevance to something that has just been witnessed by the family.  In the process, they are recovering some forgotten ways of honoring God, once known to their grandparents and great grandparents.

Parents need to act on their own faith commitments in concrete ways, thus showing and telling their kids how a faith tradition is a way of life.

Those who promote home-based faith practices offer encouragement by noting that parents do not need to have all the answers.  Parents just need to set the conspicuous example of seeking insight, alongside their children.  Perhaps parents and their kids are no longer wishing to hear their faith lessons only from the pulpit.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this spring at CPC.
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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Is the Gift of Money All We Need To Help the Poor?

What is the best way to help the poor?  We may face this question several times a day - poverty has many faces.

Suppose you encounter a panhandler on the street.  Are you reinforcing a dependency or meeting an urgent need, if you hand him a $5 or $10 bill?  Are you paying for a hot meal or cheap rum?  Is the hand-off of money intended to ease your own sense of guilt that you have so much?  Or, is it perhaps just to let you get safely past him without engaging him personally?  People who say there is an easy answer might be failing to listen to either their head or their heart.

One may feel some personal satisfaction when we think we are helping someone, but can we help them so much that we have weakened their own desire and ability to gain the freedom of helping themselves as much as they might?  Perhaps we need to ask a few questions, and fine-tune how we should make our loving gift.

I believe in the well-known slogan: "It is better to teach a man to fish, than to simply give him a meal!"  Giving the meal is very short-term, "dead-end" help.  Teaching him to fish is a gift that keeps on giving, as it will provide him with many future meals.

We need to be smart about how we help people, so as to build up their own personal capacity, and thus lessen their dependency on others.

Seeking the "right" balance between help and dependency is not limited to "churchy" situations.  Parents face this dilemma daily with their children.  It often seems easier to do something for the child, instead of patiently waiting for the child to do what is required.  What is age-appropriate child obedience?  Parents often do not agree on this, even within the same family.  I think I was fortunate because I was the eldest child ---- my parents were much more forgiving of my slow learning than they were with my younger brother.  My parents were not what popular literature today calls "helicopter" parents, hovering over their children.  But, they learned from experience and nurtured the long-term goal of developing in each of us as much self-reliance as we were able to handle.

At Central Presbyterian Church, we try to help relieve poverty by doing more than simply giving donations to poor folks.  In the spirit of trying to "teach the poor to fish," we often look for partners with the skills and programs that teach these "fishing" lessons. Then we work with the partner by contributing to their financial resources. For example, in 2014 we contributed from our Lena Willis Bequest to a not-for-profit organization in Morristown named Homeless Solutions, Inc.(HSI).  Our 2014 grant of $12,500 was to help them continue their good work of helping their "guests" rebuild their lives and successfully return to independent living.

Homeless Solutions, Inc. provides emergency shelter and transitional housing in Morristown for the homeless and working poor of that community.  They have been helping those in need for over 30 years, and in 2014 served 378 people.  But, importantly, HSI provides much more than just shelter!

One of the features of their work is the Family Shelter Program for women and their children, providing case management, independent living skills training, parenting education, counseling, linkages to medical care, child care, and transportation.  Over 50% of those entering the shelter are victims of domestic violence.  Approximately 25 to 30 families, including over 50 children and 20 single women are served each year.

HSI also has a single men's program, providing shelter for as many as 25 homeless men at one time, with about 100 men served annually.  The Men's Shelter Program provides case management services, including money management training, and assists with benefit enrollment, plus placement in permanent housing.

Yet another way that HSI "teaches people to fish," is the Transitional Housing Program.  The purpose of this program is to support and train families who are making the move to independence.  In order to eradicate the underlying issues associated with recurring homelessness, structured supervision is provided to foster self-sufficiency.  The participants are housed in ten self-contained apartments.

So, what's the answer?  Is the writing of a check ($12,500 in the case of HSI) the best way to help the poor?  CPC finds a way to do more than just write a check.  Without CPC's gift, and the financial gifts of many others, the folks in Morristown's HSI programs would not be "learning to fish".  HSI would not be able to claim "A hand up - not a hand out."   Many lives would be stuck in dependency.

But CPC itself alone, cannot do the on-going, face-to-face work undertaken by HSI. And HSI does not have the financial resources to undertake their programs alone. Working together, however, CPC and HSI can make a long-term difference in the lives of many people.  We would not accomplish this if we merely handed our gifts of money directly to the poor.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.
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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: If You Are A Person Of Faith, Just How Freely Was Your Faith Chosen?

The New York Times once published a story about how some geneticists had quietly made a study of the DNA of Adam Lanza, who had killed 20 school children and 7 adults in Newtown, Conn.  They were seeking biological clues to this extreme human violence. Their plan was to look for some mutations that could be associated with mental illness --- genetic mutations that might increase the risk of violence.

The idea that our genetic inheritance sets the stage or strongly influences our behavior, is not new.  But, this got me thinking.  If our particular genetic structure and possible mutations might push us into violent behavior, could another combination of genes and mutations give us a bias for emulating Jesus and living as Jesus taught?  I wondered ---- if there are such encouraging biological structures among some of us, perhaps we should be using genetic analysis to identify such gifted people, and focus our educational and evangelical efforts primarily on them!

As I thought about this question, gradually some other questions began to surface. Could such research eventually stigmatize people who had never openly accepted Christ, but turned out to have a genetic structure similar to known believers in Christ? Did this suggest that something was wrong with them?

But, what about  environmental influences, like family of origin, teachers, Christian friends, non-Christian friends?  And there are probably hundreds of genes involved, as well as the environmental factors, and all of them interact in complex and unpredictable ways.  Perhaps it says more about us, that we are seeking some simple, science-based predictor of receptivity to the Christian faith.

Do we really wish for a scientific explanation of why some people "get it," and others do not?  Suppose scientists did discover genes that favored easy adoption of the Christian faith ---- increasing a person's chance of becoming a faithful Christian, but not foreordaining it?  Until such gifted persons express their faith and show that they are living by their Christian faith, isn't that just conjecture?  Indeed, the social environment of such folks may be such ("bad" parents, "unhealthy" friends) that they never develop in the direction encouraged by their given genetic structure. 

And there are folks who purposefully choose to follow a particular faith, but not because of generic or environmental influences.  For example, perhaps you know of a married couple where each partner grew up in a different faith tradition, so when they had children of  Sunday School age, they had to make a choice between two Sunday morning destinations.  For the important purpose of family unity, perhaps one spouse agreed to re-align to the faith of the other spouse, "for the sake of the kids." (They might also say they are doing it "just to retain family sanity.")  This is certainly a perfectly rational choice ---- and it might be the accommodating parent's permanent new path of faith!

The rationales and emotions for why each of us chooses a particular faith, or no faith, are such a unique combination of factors!!

Ultimately,it might be great if we understood the genetics of a tendency toward faith in Jesus, so as to enable researchers to find ways to intervene and particularly encourage such receptive people to faithfulness.  But the pursuit of this goal risks jeopardizing their personal liberties, and their ability to freely use our God-given free will.

Genetics simply sets the stage for each of us.  Then, on top of that are all kinds of personal environmental factors that impact us as we grow up.  People tell me that if their parents had been brought up as Christians, that is a strong influence on their becoming Christian themselves ---- not Hindus or Muslims.

My conclusion is that one's faith must be derived through our free will, in order to be Truth for each of us.  But, our "free will" seems to be something like a  kitchen cooking pot filled with many savory ingredients, and we control the timer and the heat under the pot.  Sure, many outside factors influence our faith choices, but I don't believe Jesus ever thought of us as robots!
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.
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