Monday, June 24, 2019

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Is Poverty Only About Bad Choices?


When I was a teenager, I remember my grandfather would often come for family dinner.  On one occasion at the dinner table, my young sister reported seeing a man that afternoon begging for small change outside a store in the local mall.  She said she had felt very sorry for him.  On her way back to the family car, she had dropped a quarter into his collection box.  She told us it felt good to help someone in need.

At dinner, Grandfather was the first person to react.  "Folks need to stop whining and begging, and get a job.  It's all about taking personal responsibility."

My dad chimed in, saying there is something to the "personal responsibility" narrative, but any of us can also make bad choices in our lives.  He continued, "Self-destructive behaviors ---- such as dropping out of school, hanging out with the wrong type of kids, taking drugs, bearing children when one is not ready, can eventually lead to poverty in adult life."

"So true!" my mother affirmed, "yet researchers are also identifying the roots of these behaviors, and that they are far more complicated than mere "human weakness".

My mother then pointed out the growing evidence that poverty and mental health problems are linked in complex, reinforcing ways.  My mother referred to a Gallop Poll of a few years before which found that people living in poverty were twice as likely to have been diagnosed previously with depression, as other Americans.

It occurred to me, that if one is battling mental health problems, or is a grown-up with traumas like domestic violence (or perhaps witnessing a family member shot dead) aren't you more likely to have trouble in school, to have trouble in relationships?

"Don't forget," offered my dad, "that economic and social stress can rob us of some "cognitive-bandwidth."  Worrying about bills, food or other problems, leaves less capacity to think ahead or to exert self-discipline.  So, it is as if poverty imposes a mental tax."

"Furthermore," said Dad, "when people have an elevated level of stress, they are less willing to delay gratification ---- they become more impatient for immediate rewards, and thus are more prone to "bad" choices.  So, you can see, that a person's circumstances can land them in a situation where it's really hard to make a good decision because the person is so stressed out.  And the decisions they get wrong matter much more because there's less slack to play with."

It was time for dessert, but my mother had something else to say first:  "I wonder whether America's  ideology of social and economic mobility, the "Horatio Alger" notion that people can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, may empower some poor people, but leave others feeling like failures, brimming with self-doubt that makes bad choices all the more likely.  Certainly, self-doubt is seen widely among the poor."

Later, as I thought about our dinner conversation, it occurred to me that what caused the poverty problem for many of the "street poor" (besides the person's circumstances)  is an element inside them, and changing that internal element is the only way many of them will ever reduce their level of poverty.  Perhaps my grandfather had been correct at the start when he thought the solution was simply about "personal responsibility."  It's just that he had been so very simplistic in his view.  For example, an emphasis on developing personal responsibility is part of any 12-Step program, which tries to confront alcoholism, but these programs also have many other facets, including weekly meetings and peer support.

But, for society to place the blame entirely on the individual seems to me to me a cop-out.  Our culture is cluttered with excuses for bad behavior.  It's usually said to be the perpetrator's own fault.  In some sense that may be true.  But the doer's bad choices are real, have consequences, and to some extent were shaped by factors outside the doer's personality.

So, as long as we are talking about personal responsibility, let's examine our own.  Is our responsibility greater than merely putting a few coins in the street beggar's outstretched hand?  Do we have a collective responsibility to provide more of a fair start in life, to all, so that children are less propelled toward  bad choices that may lead to their poverty later on.

The evidence is overwhelming, it seems to me, that we too often fail many kids before they fail is.  Certain public and private programs, however, could actually save public welfare money in the long-run.

Why aren't we more supportive of public and/or private programs that would unblock the taking of personal responsibility, before folks find themselves living in poverty?
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage in you some spiritual growth this Summer.
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Monday, June 17, 2019

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: Learning To Be The Care-Giver For An Elderly Person


The need for love, connection and meaningfulness doesn't stop just because we get old.

If you have raised children, you might think that taking care of children and taking care of the elderly are vastly different.  The first involves gradually introducing someone to the larger world.  The second, helping someone disengage from the world.  With children, we expect it will take time to care for them.  With the elderly, we are surprised by how much time it may take.

Also, the challenges seem almost reversed.  Parents of children are badgered not to be "helicopter parents," hovering over their kids and not allowing them to make mistakes.  But care-givers of the elderly are told to hover more ---- step up, provide support even when not requested, offer distraction.  Hounded not to be "helicopter parents" to our kids, we are now challenged to be "tugboat friends" to the elderly, steering them through narrowing waters.

Perhaps the most basic thing we do for both our kids and the elderly, is to keep them safe.  For example, it is important to consider interviewing at the end of their shifts other care-givers who help the family.  Many day-to-day responsibilities involve simply the repetitive tasks of getting the "patient" dressed, fed, medicated and bathed.  But a daily brief review with care-givers may catch a physical health problem while it can be easily managed.

Sometimes protecting the elderly means not telling them everything.  The single hardest thing for care-giving to Alzheimer elderly may be that one cannot always be honest with the patient.  When they tell you something you know to be false, your instinct is to correct them.  "Sorry Mary, your husband has been dead for 20 years."  But care-givers learn that the only way to handle these moments probably is to conform to the patient's understanding of the world.  "Yes, Mary, Tom must have enjoyed that visit with the grand kids."

Another issue is that the elderly person may need help managing money.  Careful review of the person's bills may reveal savings they overlooked because they perpetuated spending habits of earlier days, which are no longer necessary.  Of course, this can lead to some awkward conversations, while we gently make the case that they no longer need to be purchasing certain items.  Someone suggested a "financial driver's license" for older Americans to prove their financial competence.  In effect, one is saying, "You are allowed to drive your own decisions, but only if one of your adult kids is with you in the car."

Help with managing money starts in the area of regularly paying the bills, making timely bank deposits of interest and dividend checks, and generally keeping complete and accurate checkbook records.  It is normal for the elderly to become forgetful.  Care-givers need to find a way to monitor these important, but routine, tasks without offending the senior citizen involved ------ a person who probably had managed such things himself/herself for decades.  Find ways to monitor bank balances without second-guessing every transaction, and do it regularly.  The penalties for financial "drift" can be painful for your elderly care-receiver..

"I'm bored."  When I was young, I was expected  to have hobbies and sports, and thus be able to entertain myself.  Now, the elderly may ask us to entertain them.  As people age, generally their social circles shrink, and while this allows older people to focus more on those they really care about, it also increases the burden on their care-givers.  Anyone who regularly cares for an elderly person is regularly sending along recommendations for entertainment, just as we do for kids.  "I think you would like this book."  "Should we play a game of cards?"  Happily, these activity suggestions sometimes do help. 

Occasionally, a care-giver will find a conversational subject on which the elderly care-receiver really responds, opening themselves up to talk about their dreams and fondest memories.  With skill and some luck, the care-giver may be able to use this discovery to cause the care-receiver to reach out in a new way and experience daily life in a new way that becomes more of an adventure for them.

In the same way, for some elderly care-receivers, various forms of art activities might become a passion that is discovered only later in life.  For seniors whose worlds are often shrinking, the arts may cause new worlds to open.  Just attempting something creative with an oil, acrylic or watercolor paint brush, or simply drawing, can bring increased self-esteem and feelings of accomplishment.

Some seniors have dedicated many decades of their earlier life to earning a living, and never felt they could afford to explore non-remunerative creative outlets.  Now, they can be encouraged to embrace new and positive aspects of their personal identity, for fun ---- not worrying about earning money.

Those families and friends who are care-giving for the elderly must understand the upside-down emotions of taking care of someone who once could have taken care of them.  We may mistakenly think that lives move in only one direction at a time ---- from dependence to independence, and then the reverse.  We might also expect that the elderly move in a single direction, too ---- eventually from adulthood to childhood.  But, separating these two progressions is wrong.  The teaching and learning in life always move in two directions at once, because all along a great amount of what the elderly learn has been taught by their "children", whether the "children" be youth or adults, and at best the children will be continuously learning from being engaged with their elders.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this summer at CPC.
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Tuesday, June 4, 2019

WEEKLY COMMENTARY: What Is The Point of Monthly Communion at CPC?


Last autumn, my twenty-five year old nephew visited from the Mid-West to attend to some business in New York City.  As it happened, he was with us over a Sunday, so I invited him to attend the CPC Worship Service with us.  Then I remembered that it would be the first Sunday of the month, when CPC regularly offers Communion as part of the Sunday Worship Service.  I thought I had better mention that to Harry.

Harry confessed he did not attend church much, but he said he did not remember "Communion."  He wondered if it might be the same thing as the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, which was celebrated in his parent's church.  I told him they were essentially the same thing ---- each with a slightly different emphasis.

At CPC, I told Harry (not unlike his parent's church) we observe Communion because Jesus told us to do so, and naturally we do try to observe the commands of Jesus.

On the night he was betrayed, Jesus had met in an inn's upper room with his disciples to eat a meal with them.  The Bible tells us (1 Corinthians 11: 23-26) :

              "The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and
                when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, 'This is my body, 
                which is for you;  do this in remembrance of me.'  In the same
                way, after supper he took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new 
                covenant in my blood;  do this whenever you drink it, in remembrance
                of me.'  For whenever you eat this bread and drink of this cup, you
                proclaim the Lord's death until he comes."

Then, in 1 Corinthians  11:28 - 29:

               "Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the
                bread and drink of the cup.  For anyone who eats and drinks
                without discerning the body of Christ, they eat and drink judgment
                on themselves."

At CPC, I told Harry, we regard Communion (the Lord's Supper) as a Sacrament of the New Testament, and that by taking the bread and wine (grape juice), those that make themselves "worthy" by silently confessing their sins to Jesus Christ, communicate directly to him for their spiritual nourishment.  At the heart of the Communion is the "conversation" with Christ.  Importantly, there is self-examination taking place, because it would be hypocrisy for us to pretend that we are in communion with the Holy One while actually cherishing known sin in our hearts.  We each seek to identify recent sin and beg forgiveness. 

Harry asked whether during observance of the Sacrament, the bread and wine really become the body and blood of Jesus?  He wondered, when one is seeking to be in communion with Jesus, how could Jesus participate?  I told him that there are three different Christian views on this question:

               ---- First, that the bread and wine become the actual body and blood of Christ.
                     This is the Roman Catholic belief, and it is called Transubstantiation.
                     Before the Mass, the elements are merely bread and wine.  But during
                     the Mass, through the ministrations of the priest, they are changed so that,
                     although worshipers perceive only the bread and wine, they nevertheless
                     actually eat and drink the body and blood of Jesus.

               ---- Secondly, that the bread and wine are unchanged elements, but Christ's
                     presence by faith is made spiritually real, in and through them.  This was
                     the view of John Calvin particularly, but also of other Protestant Reformers 
                     ---- that Christ is present in the Communion Service, but spiritually rather 
                     than physically.  Rev. James Montgomery Boice tells us that Calvin called
                     this "the real presence" to indicate that a spiritual presence is every bit as
                     real as a physical one.

               ---- Thirdly, the bread and wine are completely unchanged, but are used as 
                     symbols representing Christ's body and blood, in remembrance of his enduring
                     sacrifice.  This theory assumes Jesus is not present at all, at least no more
                     than he is present all the time and in everything.  To those who hold this view,
                     Communion takes on an exclusively memorial character.  It is only a 
                     remembrance of Christ's death.

In his book, Foundations of Christian Faith, Rev. James Montgomery Boice discusses the merits of these three theories, as follows:

              "To begin with, we must say that there can be no quarrel with the memorial
                theory, since it is true as far as it goes.  The only question is whether more 
                than remembrance is involved.  The real division is between the view of the
                majority of Reformers and the doctrine of the Roman Catholic Church.  Those
                who favor a literal, physical presence (and Luther was one, though he did not 
                accept the theory of Transubstantiation), argue from a literal interpretation of
                Christ's words:  "This is my body."  (Mark  14 : 22)  But that hardly decides the   
                matter, because such expressions occur frequently in the Bible with obviously
                figurative or representational meanings."

I told Harry that we (at CPC) speak of "the real presence" of the Lord Jesus Christ in the
Communion Service as far as we know it, and we seek to respond to Him and to serve Him.
But, we readily admit that there are times when this is difficult and the Lord does not
seem to be present.  Whether because of our sin, our fatigue, or simply our lack of faith.
Sometimes, Jesus does seem to be far away.  Though we continue on in the Christian life, 
and in service, we long for the day when we will see Him face to face, and be like Him.  
Our Communion Service is a reminder of that day.  It is an encouragement to our faith and 
an impulse to reach for a higher level of holiness in the daily lives of each of us.
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These thoughts are brought to you by CPC's Adult Spiritual Development Team, hoping to
encourage you to pursue some personal spiritual growth this summer at CPC.
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