In today's American society many of us have been bombarded
this Fall with requests to make contributions to worthy causes. If we
honored each request ---- political candidate contributions, money for cancer
research, our church, worthy not-for-profit organizations, and so forth,
perhaps the total would be well beyond our means. But, where do
we draw the line?
Most of us have a concern for others ---- this is
called EMPATHY. But empathy doesn't mean saying
"yes" to every request. You and I cannot literally save the
world, so we must select for support the organizations that are important
to us. Perhaps we should let something from our own life
experience determine which issues are closest to our hearts and most deserve
our money.
We need to define "empathy" a bit more
precisely. Webster's says it is the action of understanding, being aware
of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and
experience of another person, without that person's past or present feelings,
thoughts and experience being fully communicated to us.
But, what about people who seem deficient, even devoid of
empathy? They are self-focused, narcissistic, always thinking about
what's in it for them, and never respond to the needs of others. People
with an "empathy deficiency disorder", as some experts call it, seem
to lack a moral compass. They often seem unable to distinguish between
right and wrong.
Jesus gave us a brilliant example of empathy
In Luke 10: 25 - 37, Jesus gives us the following parable:
"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into
the
hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and
went
away, leaving him half dead."
"A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw
the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he
came
to the place and saw him, he passed by on the other side."
"But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was, and when
he
saw him, took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds,
pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey,
took
him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two
silver
coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said
'and when
I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have."
Then Jesus asks: "Which of these three men do you think was a
neighbor
to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" Jesus' reply
to his own
question: "The one who showed mercy."
Do you see that Jesus seems to be talking about empathy,
when he asks the question "who was a neighbor"?
Are you and I regularly capable of empathy?
Research seems to show that whether the potential to experience empathy and
care appropriately for others is realized, or undermined, is largely molded by
early life experiences, starting at birth and continuing throughout childhood.
In a recent New York Times article by Personal Health
reporter Jane E. Brody, it is stated, "We're all born with a certain
endowment, but it can be dramatically up-regulated or down-regulated depending
on environmental factors, especially by examples set by a child's caregivers."
The article urges parents to be role models who show respect and caring for
others: "Billy scraped his knee. Let's go get a Band-Aid for
him," or "Mrs. Jones just came home from the hospital.
Let's take her some soup."
Teachers and caregivers in child care and pre-K settings can
foster empathy by acknowledging rather than dismissing a child's distress, or
by bringing a toy or doll to comfort a child who is upset or injured.
Libraries and bookstores often have an assortment of stories in print and video
that demonstrate the giving and receiving of empathy for children at different
age levels.
Some of us may have vivid memories of our parents taking
turkeys before Thanksgiving to the homes of people who had almost
nothing. Many of our kids tend to focus on what they don't have
---- delivering the turkeys exposes kids to people who have so much less, and
helps give the child the gift of acting as a giver.
With older children, parents might take them to help out in
a soup kitchen or visit a nursing home. It's never too late to guide a
child toward greater appreciation of the feelings of others.
Equally important is for parents to demonstrate empathy
with their children by acknowledging the child's concerns and feelings, and
recognizing their need for security. For example, when a child is fearful
of a dog, instead of saying, "Don't be afraid, he won't bite you, say:----
'Are you scared of the dog? What scares you?' " This validates
the child's fears rather than negating them.
At the same time, parents should not over react
by being intolerant of a single second of unhappiness in their child's life,
lest such misguided excessive parent empathy deprive the child
of developing the grit, perseverance and resilience that is essential to a
successful life.
Parents can talk to their children about other people's
feelings. If your child breaks another child's toy, instead of saying
---- "Why did you do that? That was bad" ---- say: "Your
friend is sad because you broke her toy. What can we do to make up for
that?" Which opens the door for an apology.
Also helpful is to validate your child's difficult emotions
instead of just being judgmental. Suppose the child says "I hate
Tommy." Rather than simply saying it is wrong to hate, ask what
makes your child feel that way. Explore what's behind the feelings, the
back story.
My Bible does not say that Jesus used the word
"empathy." But, in his parable, Jesus did not offer any praise
for the hard-hearted performance of the priest or the Levite. As I read
it, it was the Samaritan who responded with empathy, that Jesus gave to us as a
model for Christians to follow.
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These thoughts are brought to you by the CPC Adult
Spiritual Development Team, hoping to encourage you to pursue
some personal spiritual growth this winter at CPC.
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